Friday, July 11, 2008

The "shoulda been" birthday

I have six minutes before tomorrow so I have to quickly type this out.

Today, July 11, is the one-year anniversary of the girls' original due date. They are, in body, one year old now! Tomorrow is the one-year anniversary of the day Lily came home from NICU and our absolutely horrible journey at that hospital ended. If I never step foot in those doors again, I will be happy. The only reason I would go back is if I was flown/driven there half-dead or something, because they are quite good with emergent care. Bedside manner? WRETCHED.

Anyway. As this day passed I couldn't help but think what it would be like celebrating the girls first birthday today. How different COULD they have been if they weren't monoamniotic and born those 7 1/2 weeks early. What different memories would we have had of their early days, if they hadn't been in hospital for 42 and 52 days. Would I have been able to breastfeed Evie? To this day I wonder that and I feel cheated. I know many NICU babies go on to breastfeed, but it was so hard with her breathing problems, I didn't push it. Would they have been developmentally behind like they are, still not saying anything like Mama or Dada, and not imitating noises or most actions? I know it'ssilly, but I do wonder.

Now we have celebrated all our one-year anniversaries, really. Birth and NICU leaving. Yay.


Laura said...

I often wondered that too. Someday it won't matter. Your girls will be all caught up. What you will be left with is just a journey that reminds you every second of everyday the value of their lives. Nothing will make you forget how important they are, after going through all that!

Debra said...

I wonder too. Mine did not start talking till about a month ago. Then their vocab exploded. Thomas did not say Mama till he was 17 months. It will come with time. I promise!

Yes, my name is Arizona said...

I think a momo pregnancy always leaves you feeling cheated in some way. There are so many things that can go wrong or not go the way you want them and that leaves a lot of things that can become bad memories. I worried about my girls, especially Sunny, because they were taking SO long to walk. Sunny, for the longest time, didn't even seem interested. They're both now walking all the 17 and a half months. I agree with both Laura and Debra; your girls will get there. It just requires extra patience and more effort. When I was at the park a few times with my three I would sometimes find myself explaining to other moms why my girls weren't walking yet. It was awful and later in the evening I'd sit there and wonder why the heck I felt I needed to explain why my girls weren't walking to complete strangers who probably didn't even care. Sheesh. Your girls will definitely get there. Its a long, difficult, stressful wait, though.

girlytwins said...

Laura said it perfectly. One day it all will have caught up and you will be left with memories of how amazingly crazy a ride this was and two beautiful girls.